


Just Like Old Times

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks Backstory [3]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Blood, Child Abuse, Mental Abuse, Other, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, Talks of Beating (whipping), Victim Blaming, Violence, happy/hopeful ending, talks of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-08 06:41:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16424366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: Just when Deeks thinks he can finally leave his past and his 'father' behind Gordon shows up once more to drag him back under.





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> Someone requested that I write a story where Deeks' father comes back into the picture and I thought that it would be the perfect way to finish my 'Deeks Backstory' series. If you've read the other two (Learning the Nightmare and Roundabout) then you know this is not a happy topic so please
> 
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

A tired sigh fell from Deeks lips as he dropped onto the couch feeling more exhausted than he had in awhile. Nate had put him through the wringer during their session that day. Something he wasn't sure he hated or was grateful for.

It had been a little over a month since he had told the psychologist about the abuse he had dealt with as a child. It felt as if that should be a long time and things should have changed, but he still felt the same way he had before.

For the longest time he had just dealt with everything that was going on around him. He didn't really have a say in the matter. In his mind there was nothing he could do to stop the nightmares or his feelings. So he pushed them away as best he could.

Yes, he knew that doing so had not been one of his best plans, but it was the only thing that he could think of. It wasn't as if there were people around that would willingly help him try to figure out the mess that was his brain.

Ray had done a lot when he was around. He talked Deeks through more nightmares than he cared to think about, both when he was awake and when he was asleep. Still, every time he opened his mouth to try to tell his best friend about things that happened he could just see the look of horror in his eyes. He never wanted to be the cause of that look again. Especially when he was doing it to someone he cared about.

So he never told the man everything in full. It wasn't as if he would understand what happened anyway. His father was an asshole that beat him so badly that he was sent to the hospital more than once.

Deeks Daddy was- No, not his Daddy, his father. He had to remember to start calling the man his father. Nate thought it might help him move on a little more if he was able to put that little name away for good.

It was a lot harder than he thought it would be to let go. All of this was a lot harder than he thought it would be. The man had been dead for twenty years there was nothing left for him to hold on to anymore.

Yet that was exactly what he was doing. He was holding onto this highly perverted image of a man that he was never going to see again. Nate had explained to him why he was doing that, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to care about the reasoning. All he wanted to do was let go of it all and move on with his life.

A life that was actually going pretty well at the moment. It was a little shocking. When he had told Callen about his past and then had to do it all over again with Nate he had thought that he was about to reach the end of his rope.

Between the two of them though he felt okay. It was as if he had a safety net between him and his past. That was not something that he'd ever thought he'd get, but it was a nice feeling that he never wanted to lose.

With Nate it was easy to say that unless the man ended up being killed he was going to be there for Deeks. Alright, so that was something that the older man had repeated to him more than a few times during their discussions. Apparently Deeks had abandonment issues.

It was harder with Callen though. The man had quickly become someone that Deeks was extremely close to. It was actually safe to say that the agent had become a little protective of him since he found everything out.

They had become closer than Deeks had ever thought they'd be and for that he was glad. He liked having the other man in his life and as long as he could that was exactly what he wanted. At least that's what he wanted to tell himself.

For the first time in a long time he was actually starting to feel something for someone else. For the longest time he had thought that he'd only ever have eyes for… No, he had to move on from those thoughts and forget about the man that had abused him. Gordon John Brandel couldn't mean anything to him anymore. He had to move on and forget.

It was a good thing that he had a small crush on Callen. Right? He was finally moving on from everything that had happened and was ready to start having a normal relationship. Okay, that might be a little too far.

Yes, he was attracted to Callen, but the idea of being with the man was one that made his stomach twist. It was such an odd thought. It wasn't as if he was a virgin. He had plenty of sex with both men and women. He wasn't opposed to it.

With Callen though it was different. The man knew who he was. He even knew his darkest secret. That was something that he had never had with another person. Maybe… Maybe it was time. Maybe he could be happy.

Not that he was anywhere near ready to say it out loud. He wasn't anywhere near being okay and he knew it. Being attracted to one person that knew him might be a good sign, but that didn't mean everything was fine.

Still, that didn't stop him from feeling it. It could take awhile before he was willing to say anything, but he was perfectly content waiting for the right time. Or not saying it at all. As long as he was finally moving on he was okay.

"Well, don't you look so happy," a low voice teased from behind him causing him to jump to his feet while pulling his gun out.

Narrowing his eyes at the man leaning against the wall Deeks felt his heart start to pound in his chest. He looked so familiar, but he couldn't figure out where he knew him from. Even without that though he knew that it was a good idea to be wary of the man. Maybe even afraid.

"Who are you?" Deeks demanded aiming his gun at the man's chest.

"Really, Martin?" the man sighed shaking his head before pushing off of the wall and starting towards him, "Have you really forgotten how much I hate when you're disrespectful?"

"I… Daddy?"

"Hello, baby."

Deeks felt as if he couldn't breathe as he watched the man he thought was dead walk. For a moment he was a child once more. All he could do was stand there and wait for the man to do whatever it was that he wanted to do.

A twisted smirk played over the Gordon's lips as he stopped in front of the detective. Deeks felt himself shaking as his father reached out and took the gun from his hands. Once it was down a hand came up to strike his cheek causing him to stumble backwards at the force.

"I know it's been awhile," Gordon offered with a dark chuckle, "But you really should know better than to be such a disappointment."

"You're supposed to be dead," Deeks muttered his eyes darting around unseeingly as his mind attempted to catch up.

"No, not dead. Just biding my time until I can get back what's mine."

"Yours? What's yours?"

A growl echoing from the man was the only warning Deeks got before he was being rammed into a wall. Gordon was right in his face looking so angry. Every instinct in Deeks was yelling at him to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness.

"I don't care how long it's been," Gordon gritted out his hand coming up to wrap around his throat, "You better not have forgotten where you place is. Or is this one of your games? Did you miss me too, Martin? Do I need to remind you of your place?"

Deeks eyes went wide when he heard that. He should have known exactly what the man was after, but he wasn't thinking. All he could hear was Hetty saying that the man was dead and both Callen and Nate telling him that he was safe now. How could they have been so wrong?

A voice, sounding so much like Callen, told him that he was a cop now. He was the one that was in control. All he had to do was stand up and fight. But he couldn't bring himself to move even as the hand tightened making it harder and harder to breathe.

"You do remember how I used to do that," Gordon smirked moving closer so he was completely pinned to the wall, "Right, Martin?"

"S-Stop," Deeks tried to say the words getting caught in his throat.

"That didn't work when you were a kid and it sure as hell won't work now. Especially after everything you did to me. No, you don't get to tell me what to do."

Gordon let go of his neck a moment later causing him to crumble to the floor. Coughing harshly he looked up at the older man trying to figure out what he was supposed to be feeling seeing him again after everything that happened.

He had been spending so much time with Nate trying to get his mind back on track. The psychologist said that he was making great progress and that one day he'd finally be free from the hold Gordon had over him.

Looking up at the man though that was the last thing he felt. His head was screaming at him to fight back and take him down for good even has his heart told him that his Daddy was home and everything was going to be okay.

No, that wasn't his heart. That was the conditioning that he had been raised with. There was only one option for him. He had to end the whole thing before it got any further. He was a detective for LAPD for heaven's sake. It was time for him to act like it.

"Oh look at that," his father laughed before kneeling in front of him, "There's some fight in you. That's new."

"I'm not him anymore," Deeks denied finally finding his voice though it sounded weak, "I'm not a child. You don't scare me anymore."

"Scare you? I never scared you. No, I loved you, baby boy."

"I'm your son. You were never supposed to..."

"But I did. Oh, Martin, you were made by me for me."

"Stop it! I'm not going to fall back to that. I'm not going to believe the lies. You molested me, you raped me, and you are going back to jail where you belong!"

Another laugh rang out through his house making him tense. Gordon didn't sound like he was afraid at all. It was as if he was expecting the detective to act the way he was. It was almost as if he had a plan.

"Martin," Gordon shook his head, "So naive to think you have any control. No, you're going to do exactly as I say and do you know why?"

"I won't..." Deeks tried to start only for the older man to level a glare at him.

"You'll listen to me because I'm your Daddy and I know what's best for my baby boy. And what's best is for him not to see that man again. What's his name? Oh, that's right. Nate Getz."

Horror filled Deeks when he heard his father say Nate's name. The man was an agent that worked undercover. It made absolutely no sense for him to even know who the man was. He could only know if…

"You've been watching me," Deeks muttered eyes dropping to the ground.

"For a very long time," Gordon cooed amusement clear in his voice, "Ever since I got out really. It took me awhile to find you, but once I did I never let you out of my sight. I did promise the men that helped me get out that I'd do that. You'd be surprised how many people want to put  _Detective Martin Deeks_ in his place. They might have different definitions of where your place is though. I think they just want you dead. I want you to be mine and mine alone. Just like old times."

For a moment Deeks didn't say anything. His mind was working a mile a minute and none of it made any sense. What was he supposed to be feeling? Was he supposed to know? Or… There had to be some answer. Right?

Before too much time passed a hand shot out to grip his jaw before directing his face so he was staring into blue eyes that mirrored his own. He hated how much he looked like his father while at the same time knowing that the man loved it.

The grip softened slightly while Gordon's thumb ran over his cheek. He took a shaky breath as the man smiled in what was supposed to be a comforting way though all it did was make him squirm not knowing if he was trying to get away or get closer.

For a moment they two of them sat there in silence. Without realizing it tears began to drip down his cheeks as his father smiled. His eyes fell shut a moment later as Gordon leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"That's right, my love," Gordon muttered pulling away, "Such a good boy for me. Always a good boy for Daddy, right?"

"N-No," Deeks stuttered hating the all too familiar shame and helplessness fill him even as he leaned closer.

"No what?"

"No, Daddy."

"There's my good boy. Now, what was I saying? Oh yes. I was explaining how I got out. You've angered a lot of people in jail. Once I told them a few things that might not have been truthful they were more than willing to help me fake my death. They seemed to think that I would hurt my baby boy. I would never hurt you, Martin."

Clenching his hands into fists Deeks let his head drop once more. The voice in his head once again screamed at him to fight back and end it for good. They were all alone and he was an escaped prisoner. No one would question him if the man ended up dead.

He couldn't though. Not when he wasn't sure exactly what the man had planned. If he had waited this long between getting out and coming to find him then there was something going on. There had to be something.

No, he wasn't stalling in taking his Daddy down. The man wasn't a good person. He deserved to be in jail for hurting him. Just like Deeks deserved to be free and able to move on with a normal, happy life.

Still, he couldn't move. He wasn't ready for any of this. He thought that he could do it when the man was dead, but having him in front of him the way he was. It was just too much and all he wanted was to be able to talk to Nate or Callen.

"Look at me, Martin," Gordon demanded softly.

Without a second thought Deeks lifted his head and stared into his father's eyes. They looked so calm and full of want. It was a look he had grown up seeing. One that used to promise a long night and he found himself scared of what was happening though he still didn't fight.

"There's my good boy," Gordon praised pulling both of them to their feet, "You like being my good boy, right, Martin?"

"Yes, Daddy," Deeks answered before he could think better.

"Good. Then you'll do exactly what I say. Right?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Wonderful. Now, show me where your room is. I think it's time for bed."


	2. Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested that I write a story where Deeks' father comes back into the picture and I thought that it would be the perfect way to finish my 'Deeks Backstory' series. If you've read the other two (Learning the Nightmare and Roundabout) then you know this is not a happy topic so please read at your own risk!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Tapping his pen against the desk Callen scrolled through the files on his laptop unseeingly. He couldn't get his mind to focus at the moment. For the hundredth time since he got there his eyes darted to the empty desk across from him.

It was only a few minutes past the time Deeks was normally there which wasn't uncommon on Monday's. At least it wasn't now that he spent Saturday talking with Nate. He always had a rough time getting started after that.

The first time it happened Deeks had been late enough that everyone was concerned something bad had happened. It had been pure luck that Callen had been the one to go see the younger man instead of Kensi.

Deeks had looked completely exhausted when he answered the door. Callen wouldn't have been surprised if the detective fell over unconscious where he stood. Instead he had lead the agent into his home and fell down on the couch without a single word.

Callen had called Hetty as soon as he saw that saying that the man had a stomach bug and wouldn't be in work that day. Then he stayed just to make sure that the man had some kind of support for whatever was going on in his head.

It was after that first day that he decided that it wasn't just Nate that Deeks needed. He needed someone else that knew what had happened, but wasn't going to force him to talk. He needed someone to just be a friend. So Callen stepped up.

Every Sunday, if they weren't working, Callen spent on the phone with Deeks. They talked about everything other than Deeks past. Anything so that the younger man knew that he wasn't as alone as he felt.

It was surprising to say, but it was easy to see just how quiet Deeks could be. Well, not exactly quiet. There was no way he could stop talking without everyone worrying about him. No, instead he talked about nothing.

Looking at how the man acted he knew that he should have been able to pick that up since the very beginning. Deeks was damn good at hiding everything he felt though. Unless you knew what you were looking for there was no way you'd see it.

As much as Deeks might hate it Callen could see him now. He could see past all the walls that the man put up around himself and all the fake smiles that he used to make sure everyone else was taken care of while he was left alone.

It was something that he tried not to cloud his judgment. Deeks didn't need him to treat him as if he was broken. He needed someone that was still there even though he had learned about his past. Callen had to be there for his friend.

He wasn't completely successful in doing that. Every time he looked at Deeks he thought back to the way he acted before. How scared and child-like he had been when he first told him about his past. It wasn't his proudest moment, but it did cloud his perception of the man, but he hadn't been called on it just yet.

In fact it was almost as if him finding out was a good thing. Outside of the obvious at least. Deeks finally having Nate and being able to talk about the abuse he went through was the best outcome that Callen could have asked for. The fact their friendship had grown was icing on the cake.

It as odd to think that in spite of the two of them knowing each other for years he had no idea who the man was. They hadn't been best friends or anything like that, but he had thought that they at least knew each out a little. How wrong he had been.

It was as if there was a whole new person standing in front of him that he had to learn. Which, given everything that happened, wasn't all that surprising. Callen himself hadn't had the best childhood. He understood not wanting to talk.

He couldn't even begin to understand what had happened to Deeks, but he did know abuse. He knew how it changed ones mind until they thought that the only person that they could trust was themselves. He always thought that his abuse was his cross to bare alone.

It wasn't until he found out about everything that happened to the younger man that he had finally opened up a bit about what happened to him. He hadn't exactly wanted to talk about himself, but he wanted Deeks to know that he wasn't alone.

At first he wasn't completely sure if he was doing the right thing. Maybe Deeks didn't need someone talking about their own abuse to help him move on from his. After their talks though it always seemed as if the man was a little lighter than before.

He still couldn't believe how he hadn't noticed how weighed down the man looked daily. It was as if he was going to collapse under the weight that he was trying to carry around alone. If Callen talking about his past help even a little than he was happy to do so.

That and the fact that he actually liked spending time with Deeks. Something that had been a bit of a surprise. Their conversations might be more deep than they were before, but Deeks was still Deeks.

He loved to talk about everything and nothing. If he could he would spend all day out on the beach with a board in his hand. Food to him was meant to be appreciated and explored, even when it sounded disgusting. He was himself.

Yet, because of that it was fun to be around the younger man. As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, he never felt freer than when he was hanging out with Deeks. It was one of the few times he felt as if he was human. He liked that feeling.

Okay, so maybe there was a little more to it than that. With each passing day they grew closer Callen found himself becoming attracted to the detective. He had always thought him physically attractive, but it was more than that now. Something that he was never going to say out loud.

At the moment the mere thought of bringing up any type of attraction felt disgusting. Deeks was finally working through what happened in his childhood. The last thing he needed was someone wanting to be with him.

A sigh fell from Callen's lips as he stood up and started to walk. He needed to stretch his legs before his mind got out of control. Something that he had felt close to when he woke up that morning and realized that Deeks hadn't called him at all.

There was zero chance of him calming down until he talked to Deeks and made sure that he was alright. It wasn't as if the man had to call him after every session. He was an adult. Callen was just there as a safety net if he was falling.

Maybe he was perfectly fine after he talked with Nate. He knew from experience that not all sessions were going to be as heart-wrenching as the last. It was perfectly reasonable to think that he was okay.

It wasn't until he was outside with the sun beating down that he looked up and paid attention to his surroundings. For a moment his eyes darted around looking to see if the man was approaching him. A dry laugh fell from his lips when he saw Deeks leaning against his car drinking a cup of coffee.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets Callen made his way towards the detective his mouth already open to tease him. It snapped shut a moment later when he truly caught sight of the man. To say he looked bad was an understatement.

It was almost as bad as he looked after his first session. He knew it was just his imagination, but as he got closer he felt as if the world got just a little colder. Callen had to force himself not to rush to his side and demand answers.

"Hey, Deeks," Callen greeted knowing he was talking to the man as if he was a victim.

"Callen," the detective nodded his voice sounding weak and wrecked.

"You doing okay?"

"I'm fine."

The agent nodded though he didn't believe a word of it. There was something going on with the man and it was nothing good. Whatever happened over the weekend had destroyed whatever progress he had made. It was as if he was back to step one.

Callen opened his mouth to try to question him once more only to freeze when the younger man's sleeve rolled down. It was clear to see the black and blue discoloration of a fresh bruise. His stomach clenched angrily as his mind attempted to figure out how it got there.

What had happened over the weekend? Had his session with Nate been so bad that he had gotten in a fight instead of calling him? Or was it something else entirely? There were so many questions and he couldn't think of any answers that made things alright.

"Deeks," Callen started slowly moving to his side, "Did something happen when you talked to Nate?"

"No," Deeks answered his eyes still locked onto the sky though now it was doubtful he was seeing anything up there, "Nothing ever happens with him."

"What do you mean? You said he was helping you move on from everything that happen with your 'father'."

Ocean blue eyes suddenly looked down to him and Callen had to fight back his shock. They looked completely dead. It wasn't just as if he hadn't gotten any sleep. No, it was as if someone or something had sucked every ounce of life out of his soul.

Every second of time he spent looking at the other man made him more and more worried. There was something going on with him and Callen had to find out what it was before whatever it was truly did kill him.

"No," Deeks denied his voice completely void of emotion like Callen had never heard before.

"What?" Callen questioned trying to figure out what the detective was and wasn't saying.

"Nate never helped me. I only talked to him to get you to leave me alone. I never wanted to talk to him."

"Deeks-"

"You always do that, Callen. You think you know best and refuse to listen to anyone else. I was fine until you came along."

"Deeks!"

"You made me do something that I didn't want to do. I was fine and you tried to convince me that I wasn't. I don't know why you did that. Why you wanted to hurt me, but you never should have. You should have just left me and Daddy alone."

Without another word Deeks pushed off of the car and made his way inside. Callen felt completely floored at the detective's words. He had never heard him talk like that before. It was more as if someone else was talking for him.

"Wait," Callen muttered to himself when he finally heard the words that had been said, "Did he just say 'Daddy'?"


	3. Instructions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested that I write a story where Deeks' father comes back into the picture and I thought that it would be the perfect way to finish my 'Deeks Backstory' series. If you've read the other two (Learning the Nightmare and Roundabout) then you know this is not a happy topic.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Sitting at the kitchen table Deeks rested his hands on his lap his eyes locked on the wall in front of him. It was a little after nine in the morning and he had been sitting since he woke up. Just like he did every morning he didn't have to go to work. He hadn't moved since then.

It was one of the rules that Daddy had given him. He wasn't really sure what it was supposed to be for, but he knew better than to question the older man. Daddy was always right and that was that. No need to think.

Still, with every new rule that came up he couldn't help but think about their past. He couldn't remember there being so many things he couldn't do when he was younger. He used to just listen to his Daddy no matter what was said.

The man had always made it clear who he belonged to and what his place in the world was. Anyway, it wasn't as if there was anything else for him other than the man. His Daddy was his whole life.

Apparently being away from the man had changed his thinking more than he had realized. At least that's what Daddy said. He had gone soft while they were separated. All the hard work that his Daddy had done had been for nothing. He had to start training him all over again.

Just the thought of his training had Deeks fighting back a hiss of pain. He couldn't remember so much pain being involved in his lessons before. Sure sometimes it hurt when Daddy was drunk and he wanted to play and maybe he got hit a time or two, but never anything really bad.

Now… His back felt as if it had been torn open repeatedly. Which wasn't all that far from the truth if he spent any time thinking about what had happened. He was almost glad that he had been told not to wear clothes when at home.

Daddy kept telling him that he was a mess, that he had a lot to unlearn. He said that the world had attempted to take away what it was that made him special to the man. That was why it seemed so much harder than before. People had tried to make him into something he wasn't.

The only thing that he could ever truly be was Daddy's little boy. He was completely useless to everyone else. It was a good thing that he had found him again. Without his Daddy he was better off dead. No one deserved to be burdened with him.

That was one of the other new rules that his Daddy had beaten into him. At least he had thought it was new. Daddy had told him that it was a rule that had always been in place, but he had been to stupid to remember it back then.

Well, it was more of a promise than a rule when he thought about it. He had to give his word that if anything took him away from his Daddy again that he wouldn't hesitate in killing himself. There was nothing for him without the man anyway.

The idea of killing himself put knots in his stomach. It wasn't something that he would have ever considered doing before. Yes, like sucked sometimes and he had seen more than his fair share of horrible things, but there was always something that could be done to fix that or something else he could be doing.

Daddy hadn't liked when he questioned that rule. He really hadn't like it. That was the first time he had pulled out his belt. Getting hit with the metal buckle of a belt hurt about as badly as it sounded. It helped solidify the message though.

He had decided rather quickly after to give in. If anything ever happened to Daddy he'd die. It wouldn't be that bad to kill himself. Maybe it would hurt a little in the beginning, but then he'd be with his Daddy once more. That was the best thing for him. His Daddy said so.

Even as he said that though he wasn't completely sure that was what he wanted. He liked the life that he lead. At least he had thought he liked it. When he told Daddy that the older man simple shook his head and apologized. He told him that if he had been there he'd see the truth.

That made sense, in a way. All his Daddy wanted to do was give him the best possible life he could. As long as he gave in to the other man and did exactly what he wanted than everything would be fine. He just had to be the good little boy he was meant to be. It was just harder than before.

It had been a long time since he had blindly followed anyone. He had basically been alone since his Daddy went… No, the man didn't like when he said that. He liked to simply say that he had been taken away from his baby boy. They didn't talk about that time.

Well not really. Deeks had tried to figure out if his Daddy was angry at him for what he had done to him. No matter what he said though all the man did was pull him into a kiss and say that the past was in the past and he was never leaving again. Those kisses always hurt.

Every time he thought about it Deeks heart ached. He wasn't completely sure what it was that he was feeling and he didn't really want to attempt to figure it out. As long as Daddy was there anything he was feeling meant nothing. Only Daddy mattered.

Lost in thought Deeks couldn't help but jump when his phone started to ring. Before he could think better of it he was on his feet with his phone in his hand ready to answer. For a moment he stood there not knowing what he was supposed to do.

His Daddy had been very clear about the things he could and couldn't do. Going to work had been a treat because he had been good that weekend. As long as he understood that he only got to go there as long as the rest of his time was for Daddy and Daddy alone.

Every rule that he knew told him that he should put his phone down and go back to sitting and waiting. At the same time a voice in the back of his head reminded him that he was home alone and probably would be for hours. Anyway he was just answering the phone. Not leaving.

"Hello?" Deeks questioned his eyes darting around to make sure he was alone.

"Deeks!" Nate exclaimed from the other side of the line sounding relieved, "I was starting to get worried. Is everything okay?"

"I… Why are you calling?"

"It's Saturday. We meet on Saturday's. Remember?"

Deeks felt himself freeze at the man's words. He had forgotten that he and Nate had an outstanding appointment. He hadn't once thought of the psychiatrist since their last meeting. Anyway it wasn't as if he needed to talk about his Daddy anymore. Right?

"Deeks?" Nate questioned slowly sounding more like he did during their first sessions, "Did something happen?"

"I..." the detective tried to start only to find he had no words.

"Can you tell me what's going on?"

Opening his mouth to answer that everything was fine he found himself cut off by a loud sob. Deeks lifted his hand to cover his mouth to hold back the sounds. The last thing he had expected was to start crying. He actually had no idea why he was crying.

"Okay, Deeks," Nate continued when it was obvious he couldn't talk, "I'm going to ask you some yes or no questions. Do you think you could answer them?"

"Y-Yes," Deeks stuttered out.

"Good. Did something happen on a case?"

"No."

"Did something happen with anyone on the team?"

"No."

"So, it was something in your personal life?"

"Y-Yes."

"Okay. Did something happen with your father?"

"Da-Daddy."

Deeks heard the other man exhale softly on the other side of the phone and he felt himself stiffen. It was the same noise his Daddy made when he had done something wrong. Had he done something wrong? He just answered the question?

"Deeks," Nate continued after a moment, "Why are you calling him that again? You said you did better separating him from what you thought he was when he called him something else."

"Dad-Daddy," Deeks repeated not knowing what he was trying to say.

"Alright. I know you might not want to do this, but if I came over to where you are do you think you could let me in?"

Everything in him wanted to scream yes. The last thing he wanted was to be alone. Nate had always been good company in the past and, for some reason, he felt as if he needed the man there with him.

At the same time though, he could hear his Daddy's voice telling him how bad he was and how disappointed he was in him. He could almost feel the buckle tearing into his flesh once more. He couldn't do that again.

"Deeks?" Nate tried again.

"I can't," the detective whispered shaking his head.

"What can't you do?"

"I… Daddy..."

"Deeks, I know that you're having a hard time right now, but I need you to remember that you're safe. He can't get to you anymore."

"No."

Before the psychiatrist could say anything else Deeks ended the call. His brain felt like it was about to pound of his head. Everything that he had thought he knew was in jumbles and he hated it. Ever since Daddy had come back into his life things were just wrong. He wanted thing to be simple again. He wanted…

"I thought I told you to sit at the table," Daddy suddenly spoke up causing him to jump and spin around.

"Daddy!" Deeks exclaimed his eyes wide as he began to shake in fear.

"Why do you do this, Martin? Why can't you be good for me?"


	4. Worrisome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested that I write a story where Deeks' father comes back into the picture and I thought that it would be the perfect way to finish my 'Deeks Backstory' series. If you've read the other two (Learning the Nightmare and Roundabout) then you know this is not a happy topic
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Slamming the door to his car closed Callen looked to make sure no cars were coming before crossing the street. He felt like his whole body was shaking as he moved not paying attention to anything around him as he did so.

A feeling that had been with him since he answered Nate's phone call. No, that was a lie. It had been with him since the last time he and Deeks had talked, if he could even call it that. He just felt so caught off guard and more than a little afraid.

In the days that had lead up to that morning he had been watching the detective like a hawk. Something that the rest of the team was doing as well. They were all worried about how he had been acting.

He had tried to play it off as if he just wasn't feeling very well and that it was a good thing they were doing paperwork, but no one bought that lie. At the same time though, none of them really called him out on it.

There was something in the air around Deeks that made all of them a little uncomfortable. As if they were all waiting for him to explode and start taking swings or break down in tears. It was a toss up. Callen was leaning more towards tears. It was actually a little scary to watch his friend act the way he was.

Ever since he found out the truth of his past Callen had been very aware of everything that the detective normally did. He forced himself to learn everything that he could just so he could step in if anything changed.

For awhile there was nothing. He actually looked better than he had before. That probably had to do with the talks that he was having with Nate. Even the agent knew the power of talking to someone that truly cared.

A small part of him wanted a reason for the change to be him as well. They had been spending more time together and becoming friends. He thought that the two of them were really starting to become something else.

When he saw Deeks that morning though everything changed. Not just with their relationship, or whatever it was they had, but with the man himself. Something change shifted in him and whatever it was was not good.

He had prepared himself for the chance that something like that would happen. He was digging up a whole past that he had been suppressing for years. Of course there was going to be some kind of backlash.

Still, when the time came for him to help the person he cared about he had frozen. He had thought that he was ready, but he had no idea what he was supposed to do. So he left it up to Nate hoping the man knew what to do.

Then he got a phone call from said man and all the sickening worry he had been feeling had tripled. If the psychiatrist couldn't help Deeks than that meant something was truly wrong. That did not bode well for anyone.

At least that's what Callen was thinking. In truth Nate hadn't actually given him any clue as to what was going on. All he said was that his conversation with Deeks hadn't happened and he needed the agent to come to the beach.

As he walked he thought about everything that he had seen that week. It had been so clear that there was something going on with Deeks. Not just something small either. Something that they should be worried about.

Okay, so maybe he was the only one that really noticed it, but the others weren't looking for things to be wrong. He had just assumed. Which was an easy thing to do considering what he had seen that first day.

The bruises on the detective's wrists still stood out in his mind. They were dark and fresh and he did not get a clear enough look to figure out how they got there. He needed to see them again so he could find out what the hell was going on. He needed to figure out what was going on.

"You're here," Nate said in lieu of greeting him already walking past him, "Good. Let's go."

"Go?" Callen questioned confused though he started following the man back to his car, "Where?"

"The Mission. We need to find out everything we can about Deeks father."

"Why? The man's dead."

Nate suddenly stopped and looked at him with an expression of disbelief making Callen's stomach drop. The man really did think that there was a possibility that Deeks' father was back in the picture.

That didn't make any sense to him though. He had seen Deeks' file a few times over the years Since he was the team leader making sure that their files were up to date and that everyone's skills were being utilized was something that he made sure he was on top of.

The first time he read through the file he knew that Deeks' father was listed as in jail and that was it. Everything that happened had happened when Deeks was young enough to get the files sealed. Unless it came up in a case there was no reason for anyone to look.

If he remembered correctly it was after he got shot that the file had been updated to include Hetty has his next-of-kin and his father being dead. Hetty was not going to make a mistake about something like that.

Still, whatever was said when Nate talked to Deeks was enough to make him worried. If he was this worried about the detective than there was something to be worried about. Deeks was truly in danger.

"How sure are you about his death?" the psychiatrist questioned staring into his eyes.

"It was an amendment Hetty put into his file awhile after he started with us," Callen responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

"What if she was wrong?"

"I don't know if you know this, but Hetty likes Deeks. He's teachers pet. If she wrote it down she did the research."

"She's been fooled before."

"She has. You really think that he might still be around?"

A dark look flitted over Nate's face making him look even more than before. He did really believe it. The mere thought of that 'man' still being alive was… After everything that happened he deserved to be six feet under.

"Wait," Callen stopped once more his eyes darting around, "Tell me you don't think that Deeks is with that man?"

"I don't know that," Nate responded slowly not sounding convinced at all.

"But you suspect it? Enough that you're currently worried about his safety?"

"The phone call we had was worrisome, yes."

"What did he say?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Come on, Nate. If you-"

"No, you know enough about Deeks' past to know he needs safe spaces where he can talk freely with people he trusts. I just got him to trust me enough to talk. I will not take that away from him if I can help it."

"If something he said made you think he needs help then-"

"You can help without knowing what was said."

"Okay. Answer me this then. Do you think he's safe at this moment in time?"

Nate opened his mouth to answer only to shut it a second later and look away. Callen knew that there were rules and reasons running through the other man's head at the moment, but he already had everything he needed. If Nate thought he was in danger he was.

"Then let's go to his place," Callen answered once again moving to his car.

"Callen," Nate sigh following after him, "It's not that easy."

"Why not?"

"I would very much not like to force my patient to do something they are uncomfortable with without a good reason to do so."

A sigh fell from Callen's lips as they got to his car. He knew that there was a reason behind the other man's apprehension, but at the same time, Deeks was… He cared about the man and he wanted him safe.

"I know that you want to protect Deeks," Callen started getting his keys out, "But you can't say he's safe right now. If he needs it I have to help him."

" _You_  have to help him?" Nate asked cocking his head.

"I didn't mean… I meant we need to help him."

"You said… You like him."

"Nate. Don't. I know it's stupid and I know that nothing will ever come of it. So can we please leave that part of this whole thing on the back burner and go help him?"

"Okay. I don't think that's healthy, but okay. Lead the way."


	5. Detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end of our story! I don't want to say I hope you enjoyed it because it wasn't exactly the best subject, but I hope that it was worth the read! And like I said a happy/hopeful ending!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Digging his teeth into his fist Deeks did his best to hold back a sob as the water washed over him. He had no idea how long he had been in the shower but the water that had once been scalding him was now freezing. Still, he couldn't bring himself to stand up and get out.

His whole body felt sore from being curled in a ball at the bottom of the bathtub for so long. At least that's what he wanted to blame it on. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold ran down his spine as he thought about everything that happened that day.

When his Daddy had gotten home that morning and found him standing up with the phone in his hand he had… He had been scary. The man had never looked so angry before. He had never looked angry before at all. For the first time he could remember he was truly afraid of what the man would do to him. As it turned out that was exactly something that he should be worried about.

He could still feel the man's hands on him. He had never been so rough with him before. The fact that he had been able to get to the shower to wash the blood off was surprising. Though that was becoming familiar. He kept disappointing his Daddy.

For the longest time he had dreamed of having the man back in his life. He had longed to have his Daddy back and get the feelings he used to cherish once more. All he wanted was to feel safe and loved by someone that cared about him. That was his Daddy, right?

The man had always pointed out that he was never going to find someone that cared about him. He was completely useless to anybody that wasn't the older man and in the end he was only good for one thing.

Every time he thought that his heart twisted angrily in his chest. He had worked so hard to make a life for himself. Not just any life either. He made himself into a cop so he could help as many people as possible. Being able to do that was everything to him.

He had thought about telling his fat-Daddy that, but there was something that made him hold back. It was almost as if he didn't trust to tell the man things. That was the last thing he thought he'd feel when he saw the older man again.

He had truly thought that they'd just fall back into the routine that they used to have. That seeing his Daddy would make everything right again. So why was it so difficult to just give himself over to him now that he was there?

Instead of doing anything like that though he held himself back. Something that angered his Daddy. At least he thought he was angry about that. It was hard to say. The man was not one to talk. He liked to simply show Deeks. That was the reason he didn't question the man as much as he wanted to.

Not that he wanted to question his Daddy. He knew better. Good little boys did what their Daddy wanted without thought. There was no need to think for himself or anything like that. His Daddy was there to make sure of that.

So why did he feel so… He had no idea how he was feeling. In all of his life he had never felt so lost. He might not always know what he was doing exactly, but he had an end goal. At the moment he had nothing. He… He was nothing.

That was one of his greatest fears. It wasn't that he needed people to know who he was, he preferred if no one knew his name. All he wanted was to know he helped as many people as he could. If he meant nothing that meant everything he did was worth nothing. He had helped no one.

A whimper fell from his lips at that thought. How could he have ended up where he was? After everything he had done he should have been able to do something with his life. Right? He was in his thirties he should have done something worthwhile.

It wasn't just that he was in his thirties either. It was the fact that he had been a cop. He was a cop. For now at least. His Daddy wasn't exactly happy with the idea of him running around chasing down bad guys.

He said that it was to dangerous for his little boy to be doing. The last thing he wanted to do was lose his baby because he was in a gun fight. His Daddy said that he was just too precious and stupid to do that kind of job.

Daddy was attempting to convince him that he should quit. Well, that was a nice way of saying that. He wasn't just attempting to get him to quit. He was outright telling him to walk away from his job before he made him.

A sick feeling always formed in his stomach at the thought of leaving his team. They were like his family and he loved them. The idea of not being there to have their backs in a fight was not one he wanted to think about.

Then there was Callen and Nate. He cared so much about the two of them. They had done so much for him over the last year and he… He had thrown in back in their faces as soon as his Daddy had shown up.

A loud crash echoed from deeper in the house causing him to jerk up and out of his thoughts. He didn't have time to think as he switched into cop mode and ignored the pain to climb to his feet. Blue eyes darted around the room looking for a weapon, but he found nothing.

Knowing he had no other choice he wrapped a towel around his waist before heading out. Keeping his back against the wall he crept closer to the living room only to freeze when he heard people talking. He expected his father to be talking, but it sounded like he was talking to someone.

"Did you really think your little plan would work?" his Daddy laughed arrogantly, "Did you think I didn't expect one of his 'friends' to come to get him? Did you think that I would ever let some one take Martin from me again? He belongs to me. Why do you think I kept getting that bitch pregnant?"

Deeks felt his heart speed up at the man's words. There was something about them that had him on edge. He felt as if he was finally about to get a full confession from a suspect that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear.

"Deeks doesn't have any siblings," Nate offered sounding out of breath.

Shutting his eyes closed the detective cursed when he heard the psychologist's voice. He should have known that just telling the man to stay away wouldn't do anything. Of course he would come. He was a good man.

Still, he didn't like how the man sounded so Deeks peeked around the corner taking everything in quickly before hiding once more. He couldn't believe what he had seen. Callen laying on the ground blood pouring from a wound in his stomach while Nate tried to stop it.

The thing that got him though was the man that was still standing. His father was facing away from him, but it was clear to see a knife in one hand and a gun in the other. Not just any gun either. Callen's gun.

Instantly different ways to get the gun away from the man filled his mind. He had been in that very scenario more times than he could count so he knew exactly what he needed to do. Anyway, a teammate was injured and he had to get to him.

That was when he remembered who it was that was holding the weapon. It was his Daddy. The last thing he could do was hurt the man. If he even tried he'd just end up getting them all hurt. He wasn't a good cop. He was too stupid for that… Right?

"He doesn't have them anymore," his Daddy continued knocking him from his thoughts, "I made her get rid of them once we found out the sex. Couldn't have girls. No, that wouldn't work for what I wanted. I needed perfection. Martin is perfection."

"You made your wife have abortions just so you'd have a son?" Nate questioned in disgust.

"I wouldn't have had to do that if she would have just given me a son. How difficult is it to do that? All she had to do was lay still and take it. God, I hated having to touch that woman, but I needed her. For awhile."

Deeks closed his eyes attempting to figure out what to think. A part of him pointed out that it was his Daddy. The man could do no harm in his eyes. But there was a voice that had been growing louder despite him trying to ignore it pointing out that the man was unhinged and needed to be stopped. Soon.

"You had a plan," Callen muttered angrily.

"I did," the man bragged happily, "You see, I knew just how difficult it would be to get a random child to be mine. Too many laws to try to get past, but if I had my own son? I could train him to be exactly what I wanted and he wouldn't question it."

"Deeks questioned you."

"That was that  _boys_ fault and his mothers. I should have killed her as soon as I had my baby boy. He'd still be mine if I did. Instead of that pathetic excuse he is now. Completely useless to me. Well, except in bed."

A shaky breath left Deeks as he listened to his father talk. Hearing the man say those words had tears gathering in his eyes. The last thing he had ever thought he'd hear was the man talk about him and other children that way.

For so long he thought the man was the best thing on the planet. He had loved that man with all of his heart. When he sent the man to jail he had thought that was the worst he'd ever feel. Now that he knew the truth though… He never wanted to feel like this again.

The man was nothing more than a pedophile that had tried to turn him into a play thing. Well, maybe that wasn't the right term to use for him. Deeks wasn't a child anymore and his 'father' was still trying to hurt him.

Nate had been right. He was so lost in a past that he still didn't fully understand that when the man came back he fell for all the lies hard. He had a lot of work to do with Nate to get free of those thoughts. If he could get them out.

"He's not yours," Nate stated firmly, "He's his own person. He's free from your abuse."

"Please," the man scoffed out a laugh, "If that was true I wouldn't know exactly how tight that body of his felt wrapped around my cock. Oh, how he begs for me to use him."

Clenching his eyes shut Deeks swallowed back bile at the smug pride in the man's voice. He was right. He had fallen hook, line, and sinker for it all. Not any more though. He knew the truth and it was time to end it.

"Daddy?" Deeks called out in faux confusion as he walked into the room knowing he had a part to play/

"Baby boy," his 'father' grinned moving to stand by his side, "My beautiful baby boy."

Deeks had to force himself to stay relaxed as the other man gripped his chin and pulled him in for a kiss the knife scarily close to his face. It took everything in him to not pull away as the man did his best to show them all who exactly was in-charge.

"What's going on?" Deeks questioned looking at Callen and Nate when the kiss was broken, "What are they doing here?"

"They thought I was hurting you," the man sighed shaking his head, "Would I ever hurt you?"

"No, Daddy."

"There's my good boy."

Smiling as best he could Deeks turned back to the two men on the floor. Both of them looked horrible to say the least. He had no idea what had happened while he had been in the shower, but it had not been good. Obviously they hadn't thought that they'd get into a fight.

"He's hurt," Deeks stated moving closer only to stop a few steps away.

"He wanted to take you from me," the man replied moving to press tightly against his back while his arm wrapped around his waist the knife brushing against his flesh again, "I couldn't let him do that. You're mine. Forever."

Linking their fingers together he squeezed the hand before cracking his head back and forcing the knife out of the man's hand. Spinning around quickly he threw a well-placed punch on the shocked man's face sending him sprawling to the floor the gun on the other side of the room.

"Martin, what the hell are you doing?" the man growled out blood dripping from his nose.

"Ending this," Deeks answered as firmly as he could, "Once and for all. Nate? Callen?"

"We're good," Nate answered instantly before pulling out his cell phone to call it in, "You good?"

Swallowing roughly Deeks looked over his… No, it felt wrong to call him that anymore. He wasn't his 'Daddy' or his 'father'. He was Gordon John Brandel and he meant nothing to him. Not anymore.

"Martin, you don't want to do this to your Daddy," Brandel tried to start moving to stand up.

"No," Deeks shook his head bending over to pick of the knife that had been dropped, "This is over. You're going back to prison and this time you're staying there."

"You can't do this to your Daddy!"

"You're not my  _Daddy_ or my father or anything else like that. You don't own me. Not now, not ever. I'm free from you. You're done, Brandel. It's over."

"Martin Brandel-"

"My name is Marty Deeks and you, Gordon John Brandel, you're under arrest."


End file.
